First Draft Recount

First Draft

On the 23rd of September,  me my Dad, Big Brother, my Sister in law and my cousin went to the AMI Stadium to watch the Canterbury vs Otago rugby game. I really wanted to go cause I wanted to watch the Canterbury Rugby Team play.

Firstly I got ready to go to AMI Stadium and I was wearing my favourite Adidas jacket. Secondly we went to go pick up my cousin first before, we could go to AMI Stadium because there was 1 more ticket left. Next we drove into AMI Stadium and as soon we drove in, I felt coldness in me real fast but I was still excited to go.

When we found our seats we bought juice, donuts, hotdogs and chips. The flavour of the juice was coconut and mango. We watched my cousins school Riccarton Primary, do their performance while we were eating. The did a Samoan dance and a Haka. After watching Canterbury the 1st half, me and my sister in law went to go buy mini donuts for my big brother. There was a long line and we missed 5 minutes of the 2nd half, finally we got the donuts and went back to our seats.

After the Canterburys amazing win my Dad had a sore back and told us, to go back home but before we could go home we dropped off our cousin. Then we went back home and we put all the photos we took on Facebook.

My Conclusion:

On the 23rd of September, I went to the Canterbury vs Otago rugby game. I was proud and amazed how Canterbury played and that they’re representing part of Christchurch. This is a fun moment I will never forget.

The Calf's Worst Day Ever (My Presentation).

W.A.L.T make improvements to my writing and present it to an audience.

The Calf’s Worst Day Ever.

Earlier on December, it was another beautiful sunny day on the African Savannah.  When my family started to migrate, I was happy to see my dad leading the herd like he was a proud king.  As we were walking near the lake the sun shines through the rippling water like it was a crystal lake.  Life was lonely for me because I’m the only calf in the herd but my mother cheers me up, maybe I’ll get a brother or sister some day.  As I was walking I noticed that we were in Matuna’s lion territory but they weren't there so I carried on.  When we were walking I felt nervous if Matuna was really there, I see and smell danger coming a head, but suddenly my dad stopped then he yelled ‘’ Run!’’  I ran as fast as I could, zooming through the dusty wind I looked behind me, Matuna was charging after me.

I puffed and puffed.  I slipped and I fell into the lake, I was drowning, but the lions were helping me out. I was disappointed when my parents left me I was heartbroken, but suddenly I hear a SNAP! Someone was grabbing my leg.  I noticed that a crocodile was grabbing my leg.  It felt like my bones were going to slip off and crumble into pieces. Luckily I was helped out by the lions.  At first I thought I was gonna be killed because Matuna said ‘’ Hakuna matata calf, every thing will be all ok’’ he was talking in a bad way. I shivered so much, tears were coming down I couldn't handle it. When I looked around me I saw my whole herd coming this way.  The lions heard a big THUMP!  They were ready to take out their biggest rivals ever with the buffalos, my life felt like back in WW1 but my dad has good moves. My dad tossed Matuna in the air and threw him on the ground, he was like a big silver back gorilla. Finally I was saved.

I was glad and joyful that I was saved, I had lots of scratches on my left back leg, but I was ok. I looked at my dad and I was proud to see him again and I also learned my lesson to never migrate near the lake again because that's when my past starts again.

BY: Faith

The Calf's Worst Day Ever. ( Second Draft )

                     

W.A.L.T recall  events through the eyes of an animal.

Success Criteria

I know I will be successful when my recount has a

• Title
• Orientation:  When? Who? Where? Why?
• Sequence of events:  What happened? Describe using the senses (hear, taste, see, smell and feel).
• Personal Comment:  How did the events make you feel?

The red is my improvements.

Second Draft.

The Calf's worst day ever.

Earlier on December, it was another beautiful sunny usual day on the African Savannah.  When my family started to migrate, I was happy to see my dad leading the herd our like he was proud to be a king.  As we were walking near the lake the sun shines through the rippling water like it was a crystal lake.  Life was lonely for me because I’m the only calf in the herd but my mother cheers me up, maybe I’ll get a brother or sister some day.  As I was walking I noticed that we were in Matuna’s lion territory but they weren't there so I carried on.  

When we were walking I felt nervous if Matuna was really their, I see and smell danger coming a head, but suddenly my dad stopped then he yelled ‘’ Run!’’ I ran as fast as I could, zooming through the dusty wind I looked behind me Matuna was charging after me I puffed and puffed.  I slipped and I fell into the lake as I slipped I was drowning but the lions were helping me out. I was disappointed when my parents left me I was heartbroken, but suddenly I hear a SNAP! Someone was grabbing my leg.  

I noticed that a crocodile was grabbing my leg,  I felt like my bones were gonna slip off and crumble into pieces. Luckily I was helped out by the lions.  At first I thought I was gonna be killed because Matuna said ‘’ Hakuna matata calf, every thing will be all ok’’ he was talking in a bad way. I shivered so much, tears were coming down I couldn't handle it. When I looked around me I saw my whole herd coming this way, the lions heard a big THUMP!  They were ready to take out their biggest rivals ever with the buffalo's, my life felt like back in WW1 but my dad has good moves. My dad tossed Matuna in the air and threw him on the ground like he was a big silver back gorilla, finally I was saved YEY!

I was glad and joyful that I was saved, I had lots of scratches on my left back leg, but I was ok I looked at my dad and I was proud to see him again and I also learned my lesson to never migrate near the lake again because that's when my past starts again.

My writing sequnece.

W.A.L.T: sequnece event in order.

	1. The buffalo’s are walking near the lake in the hot sun.
	2. But the lions are camouflaging on the dry grass.
	4. Now the lions are chasing the buffalo’s in danger.
	5. And one of the lions are chasing the buffalo calf near the lake.
	6. Now the lions has got the buffalo calf but their having a battle with the crocodile.
	7. Look’s like the lions win but, their is a herd of buffalo’s coming!
	8. Now the buffalo’s are charging for the lions to get there buffalo calf back.
	9. And luckily the buffalo calf is still alive thanks to the buffalo’s that was charging to the lion’s.
	By: Faith