The Calf's Worst Day Ever. ( Second Draft )

                     

W.A.L.T recall  events through the eyes of an animal.

Success Criteria

I know I will be successful when my recount has a

• Title
• Orientation:  When? Who? Where? Why?
• Sequence of events:  What happened? Describe using the senses (hear, taste, see, smell and feel).
• Personal Comment:  How did the events make you feel?

The red is my improvements.

Second Draft.

The Calf's worst day ever.

Earlier on December, it was another beautiful sunny usual day on the African Savannah.  When my family started to migrate, I was happy to see my dad leading the herd our like he was proud to be a king.  As we were walking near the lake the sun shines through the rippling water like it was a crystal lake.  Life was lonely for me because I’m the only calf in the herd but my mother cheers me up, maybe I’ll get a brother or sister some day.  As I was walking I noticed that we were in Matuna’s lion territory but they weren't there so I carried on.  

When we were walking I felt nervous if Matuna was really their, I see and smell danger coming a head, but suddenly my dad stopped then he yelled ‘’ Run!’’ I ran as fast as I could, zooming through the dusty wind I looked behind me Matuna was charging after me I puffed and puffed.  I slipped and I fell into the lake as I slipped I was drowning but the lions were helping me out. I was disappointed when my parents left me I was heartbroken, but suddenly I hear a SNAP! Someone was grabbing my leg.  

I noticed that a crocodile was grabbing my leg,  I felt like my bones were gonna slip off and crumble into pieces. Luckily I was helped out by the lions.  At first I thought I was gonna be killed because Matuna said ‘’ Hakuna matata calf, every thing will be all ok’’ he was talking in a bad way. I shivered so much, tears were coming down I couldn't handle it. When I looked around me I saw my whole herd coming this way, the lions heard a big THUMP!  They were ready to take out their biggest rivals ever with the buffalo's, my life felt like back in WW1 but my dad has good moves. My dad tossed Matuna in the air and threw him on the ground like he was a big silver back gorilla, finally I was saved YEY!

I was glad and joyful that I was saved, I had lots of scratches on my left back leg, but I was ok I looked at my dad and I was proud to see him again and I also learned my lesson to never migrate near the lake again because that's when my past starts again.